i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Randomize
