i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
