so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
