I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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