She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
