Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
She needs sedatives and a leash
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
