I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
