I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
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