Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Randomize
