glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Randomize
