Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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