Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
We are two peas in an std pod
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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