Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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