She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
