promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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