How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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