Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
