My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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