dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
