This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
