I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
