why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
