I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
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