wanna go halves on a baby?
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
the liver wants what the liver wants
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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