mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Randomize
