You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
