Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
