i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Is it penis luge time yet?
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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