2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
