You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I love you. Go after that dick
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
