The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
