And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
