I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
