so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
