and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
