So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
