dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
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