Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
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