Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
