I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
