Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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