we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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