I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Randomize
