dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
