come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
