Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
