Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
