Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
