god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
