too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
