The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
