I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
