are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
