thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Randomize
